“Fall”ing in love with your partner

Falling in love art

“Fall”ing in Love with Your Partner

by Angela S. Taylor MA, LPC-S

We’ve all heard the phrase, “Relationships take work.”  While it’s a saying that is spoken regularly, many of us don’t really understand how to put it into practice.  Others believe that relationships should be easy, and if they’re not, there’s a problem.  I think it’s a combination of the two.  With work comes ease.  If you continue to work at your relationship, it does feel easy.  Length of time with your partner is really unimportant, but we should all work to fall in love with our significant other’s over and over.

How does that sound?  Wouldn’t it be wonderful to be able to fall in love with your partner daily, weekly, and yearly?  I, for one, think it’s key to remaining happy in your relationship.  If you work towards remembering what you fell in love with in the first place and embracing and nurturing the changes in your partner since the beginning, this is possible – and incredibly exciting and fulfilling!

So, how do you do it?  How do you see someone that you’ve woken up beside for years in a brand new light?  How do you continue to create newness and excitement with someone you’ve grown with over time?  These are just a few suggestions to get you on the road to a more love filled life with your partner.

Get to Know Your Parter

I know what you’re thinking.  “I know everything about my partner.”  “I’ve been with her forever.”  “I can read his mind before he even speaks.”  I’m here to tell you that there are probably things you don’t know.  People change over time, and views and beliefs get adjusted accordingly.  Often, we believe our partner is the exact same as when we met, but that’s pretty impossible if you think about it.

Go back to the questions and conversations you had when you first met (and keep an open mind).  Ask about the day, what was the favorite part, what was the least?  Ask what he’s excited about at this moment.  Ask what her dreams are for the next year and the future.  Questions like these will lead to deeper discussion and new insight about your partner.  You quite possibly will discover something new to love and cherish.

Date Nights and Adventures

I can’t emphasize this piece enough.  Our lives get busy with kids, work, and other obligations, and we forget about each other.  Dates bring you back to the beginning.  You get to have a special night where the only focus is you two.  There should also be rules – no talk of kids and work.  It’s easy to fall into this pattern, but it takes away the romance and doesn’t let you remember the you without the role of mother, father, employee, etc.  Make a point to have date night once a week, and see your relationship transform.

Equally important is a vacation for just the two of you.  Adventure and new experiences bond a couple like no other.  Your blood gets pumping with excitement together, and you get to relax together without the worries of everyday obligations.  Sharing that energy increases your bond and the joy you experience in one another.  You also get to see the new things your partner enjoys and have another shared experience that is unique to you as a couple.  Discovery together is invigorating for the both of you.

Sex

Many times in relationships, sex becomes the last item on the list of priorities.  It fills another spot on the “to do” list that often gets set aside for another day.  But…sex is extremely important for a healthy and fulfilling relationship.  It bonds you with your partner in a way that you’re not bonding with anyone else.  The chemicals that are released as you are intimate tie you together and cause feelings of love and connection.  Sex keeps things exciting and energizes you while bringing you closer.  Make this a priority knowing that this is a big step in increasing the gratification in your partnership.

Along the same lines, cuddling and canoodling are equally important.  Making sure you’re kissing, holding hands, hugging, etc., on a regular basis is essential.  Remember what it was like when you started dating and you couldn’t keep your hands off each other?  Try to channel those times.  You and your partner deserve to feel special and nurtured without sex being the ultimate goal every time.  These types of interactions make you not only feel warm and fuzzy, they make you want more of each other.

Ask What Your Partner Needs

Our needs and wants change as we change.  Many times we feel we know what our partner needs, and/or we feel our significant other should know our needs.  Without communicating about this, resentment builds and grows.  Your partner may need something they have experienced more from you in the past, or he/she may need something completely new to you.  Whatever it is, you won’t know unless you communicate about it.  You can’t meet each other’s needs without knowing what they are in the first place.

So, have a conversation about it on a regular basis.  Talk about how you can be more helpful to each other.  Talk about how you can feel more loved.  Talk about your roles and if you want those to change.  Discuss new developments in your lives and if needs have changed because of them.  All of this communication will lead to better understanding and positive momentum.

Our partner’s often get pushed to the bottom of the list of our priorities.  That needs to be reversed in order to fall in love each day and continue to be happy in your relationship.  Trust me, everything else will fall into place, and be better because of it, if you two are solid and whole.  By making each other important, your life becomes easier, increasingly more satisfying, and love-filled.  You get to experience newness everyday and the amazing feeling of being in love day in a day out.  There’s nothing like it!